They played Sissy's Song, by Alan Jackson, at her graveside.
I don't know if she picked that song or not.
I don't know if she picked that song or not.
She and I had talked about our funerals one time when we were walking. It was kind of a depressing topic, but we talked about everything, so somehow the discussion of our funerals came up. I had told her I want this song played at my funeral.
When we got to the cemetery, as we stood at the top of the hill, just feet away from her coffin, and the music to "Sissy's Song" started, I sucked in my breath, remembering that conversation and trying to keep from sobbing.
I miss her.
I think about her a lot. Even still.
It's just so sad.
But I think I'm healing. Slowly.
I no longer obsess about how awful her last days, weeks, and months were. Now I picture her in heaven.
I imagine her up there with a healthy spiritual body, a head full of hair, and pain-free smile on her face. I picture her at the top of the mountain, looking back at the valley she came through to get there, with her hands in the air, feeling victorious. I see her comforted. I see her strong. I see her happy.
...
I think about our walks, and our talks.
And what amazes me is how I never feel truly inspired to write until I'm thinking about Elisha. It's hard to write about anything else.
My husband has encouraged me to write about other things. While he knows my writing about her is therapeutic to me, it may be painful for the those of you who love Elisha. I apologize if that is the case. I'm not trying to dredge up memories to hurt you.
I'm just writing because I feel inspired. I write so much better when I feel inspired. And right now, nothing inspires me more than Elisha.
...
I remember one time when she and I were walking, we had both recently posted separately on our individual blogs. She asked me, "So do you stalk your blog?"
That may seem a very strange question, but if you knew Elisha, you would totally understand. She had a way of saying things that just made you laugh.
So, through giggles, I asked, "Stalk my blog?"
She went on to explain, "Yeah. Like check it every five seconds to see how many people have read it."
When you create and design your own blog, you can go to your design page and look at your blog numbers. Each post is listed, along with the number of times that post has been viewed. So after you publish what you've written, you can continually refresh your design page to see how many people have read it.
Oh yes, I do that. And I was so thankful to know that Elisha did that too.
Then she asked me how many had read my most recent blog post, about reconnecting with my childhood best friend (B.B.F.F.E. - Part One). At that time, about 55 people had read it.
Elisha was shocked, as this was her all-time favorite thing I had ever written. She thought my number should be much higher.
I was shocked because I thought that number was pretty good.
So I asked her how many had read her recent blog post discussing her anxiety about an upcoming scan she was having to determine if her body was clear of cancer (Scanxiety). She had well over 200 views.
My mouth dropped.
She laughed.
I said, "You are so popular."
I went on to tell her that my highest number was 81 page views. I had never even gotten to 100.
Elisha said, "We're going to get you to 100 on this one."
Later that night, she encouraged her Facebook friends to read my blog post, sharing a link to it on her wall. By the next day, I had 101 views. I texted her immediately, "Now I'm popular too! Thank you!"
...
Elisha and I continued to stalk our blog posts after that, sharing our numbers. The last blog post she wrote told the world that her cancer had returned (Round Two). She texted me numerous times over the next 48 hours, to tell me her numbers. We were both shocked. Within days of her typing those words, over 2,000 people had read them. I just kept telling her, "You are so popular."
Elisha was popular. She still is.
I check her Facebook page often, and lots of people are still talking about her. So I hope it's okay that I am too.
...
Seeds of Faith - inspired by Elisha Skeen
Since my declaration to be more inspirational in my writing, as Elisha was, I've closed each of my blog posts with "Seeds of Faith", hoping to point everything back to God, as Elisha did.
I've lost loved ones in my past. But loss of life has never been more "in my face" as it has been since Elisha passed. I see her not here everyday. When I walk up the road, she's not here. When I invite her husband over for a meal, she's not here. When I play with her son, she's not here. When I write a blog, she's not here.
How do I point that back to God?
I don't know exactly, except to say, that in losing her, and having this hole in my life where she used to be, I am continually seeking His comfort, His strength, and His peace to fill that void.
And every time I am sad over losing her, I remember her husband and her son, right next door, whose grief and pain are so much bigger than mine. So I pray for His comfort, His strength, and His peace upon them.
Sometimes words fail me. And even in prayers, I don't know exactly what to say. So I pray the 23rd Psalm.
When Elisha was sick, and I knew she needed peace, but I couldn't come up with the words to pray, I prayed the 23rd Psalm for her. Lord - You are Elisha's shepherd; she shall not want...
When her husband and her son leave my house, I pray the 23rd Psalm for them.
I encourage you to memorize the 23rd Psalm. When you are in need of God's comfort, God's strength, and God's peace, but your heart and mind are at a loss for words, this passage of scripture can be your guide.
...
If you are reading this blog, Elisha has touched your life in some way, even if it is only through my words. I hope you are inspired.
...
I remember one time when she and I were walking, we had both recently posted separately on our individual blogs. She asked me, "So do you stalk your blog?"
That may seem a very strange question, but if you knew Elisha, you would totally understand. She had a way of saying things that just made you laugh.
So, through giggles, I asked, "Stalk my blog?"
She went on to explain, "Yeah. Like check it every five seconds to see how many people have read it."
When you create and design your own blog, you can go to your design page and look at your blog numbers. Each post is listed, along with the number of times that post has been viewed. So after you publish what you've written, you can continually refresh your design page to see how many people have read it.
Oh yes, I do that. And I was so thankful to know that Elisha did that too.
Then she asked me how many had read my most recent blog post, about reconnecting with my childhood best friend (B.B.F.F.E. - Part One). At that time, about 55 people had read it.
Elisha was shocked, as this was her all-time favorite thing I had ever written. She thought my number should be much higher.
I was shocked because I thought that number was pretty good.
So I asked her how many had read her recent blog post discussing her anxiety about an upcoming scan she was having to determine if her body was clear of cancer (Scanxiety). She had well over 200 views.
My mouth dropped.
She laughed.
I said, "You are so popular."
I went on to tell her that my highest number was 81 page views. I had never even gotten to 100.
Elisha said, "We're going to get you to 100 on this one."
Later that night, she encouraged her Facebook friends to read my blog post, sharing a link to it on her wall. By the next day, I had 101 views. I texted her immediately, "Now I'm popular too! Thank you!"
...
Elisha and I continued to stalk our blog posts after that, sharing our numbers. The last blog post she wrote told the world that her cancer had returned (Round Two). She texted me numerous times over the next 48 hours, to tell me her numbers. We were both shocked. Within days of her typing those words, over 2,000 people had read them. I just kept telling her, "You are so popular."
Elisha was popular. She still is.
I check her Facebook page often, and lots of people are still talking about her. So I hope it's okay that I am too.
...
Seeds of Faith - inspired by Elisha Skeen
Since my declaration to be more inspirational in my writing, as Elisha was, I've closed each of my blog posts with "Seeds of Faith", hoping to point everything back to God, as Elisha did.
I've lost loved ones in my past. But loss of life has never been more "in my face" as it has been since Elisha passed. I see her not here everyday. When I walk up the road, she's not here. When I invite her husband over for a meal, she's not here. When I play with her son, she's not here. When I write a blog, she's not here.
How do I point that back to God?
I don't know exactly, except to say, that in losing her, and having this hole in my life where she used to be, I am continually seeking His comfort, His strength, and His peace to fill that void.
And every time I am sad over losing her, I remember her husband and her son, right next door, whose grief and pain are so much bigger than mine. So I pray for His comfort, His strength, and His peace upon them.
Sometimes words fail me. And even in prayers, I don't know exactly what to say. So I pray the 23rd Psalm.
Lord - You are my shepherd; I shall not want.
You maketh me to lie down in green pastures: You leadeth me beside the still waters.
You restoreth my soul: You leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for Your name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff they comfort me.
You preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: You anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in YOUR house for ever.
When her husband and her son leave my house, I pray the 23rd Psalm for them.
I encourage you to memorize the 23rd Psalm. When you are in need of God's comfort, God's strength, and God's peace, but your heart and mind are at a loss for words, this passage of scripture can be your guide.
...
If you are reading this blog, Elisha has touched your life in some way, even if it is only through my words. I hope you are inspired.
1 comment:
Awesome words and thoughts!
-Jessica
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