If I Lived in Genoa City...

My most guiltiest pleasure is my daily viewing of The Young and the Restless, also know to the daytime drama's most avid fans as Y&R.  I usually avoid telling anyone that I "waste" an hour of each day losing myself in the non-reality of this soap opera.  I fully expect the jaw-dropping, wide-eyed expression, followed by, "How can you watch that garbage?"  My only response is, "I don't know, but I LOVE it!"  I love the fact that none of what I am watching is at all close to the reality of my life.  Therefore, it serves as an escape from those mundane activities that are required daily of a wife and mother - the laundry, the dishes, the sweeping, the mopping, the scrubbing, the ironing (wait, I refuse to iron...  scratch ironing), the cleaning, the cleaning, the cleaning, etc., etc., etc.

Still, if you're not a soap opera junkie, like me, I don't expect you to understand.  There is only one person in the whole world who I know without a doubt will understand, and that is because this show gets to her in just the same way it gets to me.  So to my bestest friend in the whole-wide world, Wendy ~ I dedicate this blog to you!  :)

If I Lived in Genoa City....

1. I would always be beautiful.  Every hair would be exactly in place.  My makeup would be perfectly applied.  And I would have the most awesome wardrobe EVER.
2. I would never wear jeans, because I would have the most awesome wardrobe EVER.
3. I would never cook or clean, or even go to the bathroom for that matter.  I have servants who can do those things for me.
4. I would marry my soulmate, then cheat on him with his brother or his best friend, or possibly even his father (because he doesn't look old enough to be his father).
5. I would wind-up divorced, yet still be filthy rich, so no great loss.
6. I would marry my soulmate's arch-enemy, even though I am still so madly in love with my soulmate.
7. I would be involved in some sort of disaster (a car accident, a fire, a building falling on top of me), and my soulmate would realize how much he loves me, even though I cheated on him, and he would rescue me.
8. I would leave my soulmate's arch-enemy, and remarry my soulmate.
9. We would have beautiful children together, whom we never have to do anything for because we have servants and nannies who raise them for us.
10. We would send our beautiful children off to boarding school at the young age of two, and they would return one year later at the young age of eighteen.  My how time flies in Genoa City!
11. Someone I know would end up in a coma...  for three months... and just when we think they won't make it, and we've given up all hope... they'll wake up. 
12. My soulmate would be murdered right before my very eyes.  And I'll cry and sob and scream, but still look beautiful.
13. I would learn that my father was not really my father.  My mother actually had an affair with his brother, and he's my real father.  WHAT?!  How could my mother cheat on my father with his brother?!  Oh wait, I did the same thing.  Oops.  My bad.
14. I would learn that my soulmate is not really dead after all.  He was just pretending to be dead because he was trying to protect me.
15. I would be angry at my soulmate and cry and sob and scream, but still look beautiful.  Then I would forgive my soulmate and be so happy that he is alive.
16. I would figure out that my soulmate is not my soulmate, but he's my soulmate's evil twin brother whom I never knew about. 
17. I would find out I have cancer, and it's so agressive that I probably won't live, but I WOULD live because I'm so young and too beautiful to die.
18. I would become an alcoholic and be a lousy drunk, and my soulmate, or his twin brother (because they are both so madly in love with me) would swoop in and take me to an awesome rehab center, where I would be totally rehabilitated.
19. I would never age.  How nice.
20. I would never die.  You might think I was dead.  They would have my funeral and everything, but I'm not really dead.  I've been living in a small-recluse town, where no one knows who I really am.  But don't worry, I'll always come back to life in Genoa City!!!!!

My Dad's Shorts

Yesterday, I was rummaging through my dresser drawers, searching for something comfortable to put on.  The boys and I were going to hang around the house for a couple of hours, and I just wanted to be attired in something that I didn't have to suck my gut in to wear.  I came across an old pair of navy blue shorts, and I smiled - JACKPOT!  These are the most comfortable pair of shorts I own, and they are not really my shorts at all...

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was so close to the finish line, that my husband feared leaving me home alone.  So each of those last 14 days of my pregnancy, my mom would come pick me up and bring me back to her house.  One of those days, I was miserable in the clothes I had on.  I was hot and felt restricted.  Truthfully I was about to pop (literally), and simply needed bigger clothes.  But being in the homestretch, it did not make sense to buy more maternity clothes.  So my mom gave me a pair of my dad's shorts to wear.  They are 100% navy blue cotton, and on that day, they were heaven.  Not only was I able to breathe (and waddle), but I also found comfort in the fact that, as I was about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life, I was wrapped up in something that belonged to my daddy.

You see, I've always been a "Daddy's Girl".  For as long as I can remember, I've idolized my father - hurling him up on this tall pedastal, thinking there was no greater daddy in whole-wide world.  When I married my husband at the young age of 20 years old, it was a quite a shock to both my father and I that there was a new man who I loved more than any other.  I didn't expect the change it brought to our relationship, and it has taken the better part of my 13.5 years of marriage to cope with the difference. 

When I need guidance, I look to my husband.  When I need encouragement, I look to my husband.  When I need affirmation, I look to my husband.  When I need a hug, I look to my husband.  [Although I will argue that my dad gives the BEST HUGS in the entire world.  I mean seriously, he wraps his arms around me, and I can literally feel his love for me.]

I love my husband, but I miss my daddy. 

I guess that's why, when I unpack the summer clothes, I smile everytime I pull those shorts out of the box.  That's right, I never gave them back.  Sorry Daddy!  I'm keeping your shorts!  :)

Dear Job, Why Do I Hate You? Let Me Count the Reasons...

Dear Job,

As I sit at my computer struggling to focus on the Marketing and Advocacy training manual  I am supposed to be writing, all I can think is how much I hate you.  I am truly sorry to say this, but I am an honest person, and I feel it is only right that you know how I feel about you.  I hate you.  I loathe you.  I can't stand the thought of you.  On Wednesdays, my "work" day, I have all I can do to crawl out of bed because I know I will spend the next eight hours forcing myself to look at you and think about you all the livelong day!  I hate you.  I hate you!  I HATE YOU!

Why do I hate you?  Let me count the reasons...

1. Because I am a stay-at-home mom, which means my days should be spent caring for my children and cleaning my house and preparing meals for my husband - you know, not WORKING!
2. Because I am a homeschooling mom, which means I already have a full-time job!
3. Because when I am working, I have to pay for my children to stay at someone else's house, which kind of defeats the purpose of being a stay-at-home mom.
4. Because what do I really care about marketing and advocacy?
5. Because I would so much rather be scrapbooking.
6. Because, if I am paying for kids to stay at someone else's house, I would much rather be enjoying this time taking a nice warm bath, followed by an hour long nap.  And then go shopping with my best friend.  :)
7. Because no amount of money in the world is worth the amount of stress you cause me.
8. Because I do.  And I'm the mom, so no more talking!

I know it wasn't always like this.  I used to enjoy spending time with you.  You were an escape from those overwhelmingly stressful toddler years.  But now, they're school-aged.  I'm homeschooling them.  And I cherish my time with them. 

I'm sorry to be so cruel.  But I've tried everything else I know to make you understand.  I've distanced myself by cutting you down to one day a week.  I've stopped thinking about you on the days we're not together.  You're just not going away, like I would like for you to.  So here's the bitter truth...

You've really become more of an intrusion than anything else.  I don't need you anymore.  So...
I quit.  I'm done.  We're no longer friends.  Now go away.

Regrettably yours,
Marci

Homeschool Highs, Homeschool Lows

I am so excited to report that the Bray family has successfully completed our first year of homeschooling at Chapel Hill Academy.  What a year it was!  When I decided last spring that we would begin homeschooling in the Fall of 2010, I thought I knew what I was getting into.  Silly me...

If you know me at all, you know that I am an organized FREAK!  So, I spent the entire summer dedicating a room in our house to serve as our "school".  I told myself all summer long, "If I can get this room set up and organized, I'll be good to go".  I spent hours searching the web for the best prices on the things I wanted for this room - a dry erase board, a cork board, a book rack, curriculums, etc.  I  went to thrift stores and yard sales.  I got everything I thought I needed.  When August arrived, we were ready... or so I thought...

Our first month was a breeze.  It was fun.  It was exciting.  And I was thrilled.  But as the days of October passed, I started to lose my confidence.  We had finished our first unit study in Science, and I had no idea where to go from there.  I do what I always do when I don't know what to do...  I panicked.  I carried on as best I knew how, but I felt helpless and clueless.  I began to wonder if I was really doing what was best for my children. 

A friend of mine, who has homeschooled for the past three years, recognized the first year jitters I was experiencing, and swept in to rescue me.  (Thank you Bethany!)  She reassured me that all was well and introduced me to the curriculums and methods she uses with her children.  I felt reassured and found renewed self-esteem, which carried me through the next two months... 

Then I started questioning myself again.  That voice of negativity crept into my mind and whispered self-depracating thoughts - "What am I doing?"  "Are they learning what they need to know?"  "I'm not a teacher."  "Am I ruining my children's education?"  "Am I ruining their lives?"  But then the sweetest thing happened...

My kindergartener read a sentence to me.  He read a sentence!  All by himself!!!  I taught him that!

This changed everything, for me and for them.  I realized, I can do this.  And they realized, Mommy can do this!  And all was well, at least for a little while...

In April, my oldest son took the CAT test, which is required for homeschooled children ages 7 and up.  I was much more nervous than he was.  In fact, I totally played it down for him because I didn't want him to feel stressed out.  I was stressed enough for the both of us.  This test requirement is really just for the parents, so we know what our children are learning and not learning, and we can adjust our teaching accordingly.  So it really is not that big a deal.  But if you know me at all, you know that I cannot ignore the results of this test.  I want him to do well, so I know if I am doing well.  So he took the test, informing me afterward that it had sections on Science and Social Studies, and he didn't believe he did well on either one.  I totally freaked out!  I didn't realize these subjects would be on the test, and I hadn't focused on them much this year.  Oh no!!!!   I'm thinking what a horrible job I've done.  How could I not have focused more on Science and Social Studies?  What kind of teacher am I?  These subjects would not have been ignored at the public school.  What is wrong with me? 

We waited a grueling month before we got his test results back.

I think I've posted this before, but in case you forgot, I'll say it again...  MY SON IS A GENIUS!!!!  I'm saying that as a completely unbiased mother of course :)

All kidding aside, he did very well.  (Thank God!)  Even on Science and Social Studies.

So, I'm feeling pretty good right now, despite the frequent highs and lows we faced on this roller-coaster first year of homeschooling.  My youngest son can read, and my oldest son knows most everything a second grader should know at this point.  It seems that Chapel Hill Academy is a great place to learn.

Time to Be Merry

I'm wondering why I do not feel the normal amount of stress that accompanies the arrival of the Christmas season. In fact, I am relieved to announce that I am not overwhelmed with obligations this year. But why not? There is still much to do. I haven't wrapped a single gift. There are a few more gifts yet to be purchased. And I still don't know what I am expected to bring to Christmas dinner.
When I look at the life of the Bray family this season, compared to last Christmas... Perhaps the answers are there. Our days are so different than they once were.
The boys are not in public school. So we're not rushing out the door every morning to get there. And my outings no longer revolve around what time I have to pick them up. There's no homework, no lunchboxes to pack, no parental volunteer hours expected.
I do not have any leadership responsibilities outside of our home. Last year, I was the coordinator of our MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group in Lexington. This year, I have no preschoolers. So I have no meetings to plan, no phone calls to make, no events to coordinate.
This change in lifestyle has affected my attitude about when and where and what I am willing to give my time to. The answer has come to this... my family. And while it may sound selfish, I believe it has made all the difference for the four of us.
I spent the first five years of my youngest child's life looking for respite outside of our home, pouring myself into social obligations with the belief that it was what was best for us all, not realizing that those hours spent away from home were making the hours at home so much more stressful. When God laid it upon my heart to homeschool, I was so frightened of the responsibility, wondering how on earth I could entertain my children from sun-up to sun-down. Yet it has proven to be the best decision we have ever made.
Our days are much simpler now. We get up. We have breakfast together. We do school together. We have lunch together. We do chores together. We play together. We have supper together. We read together. We watch TV together. I'll be the first to say I am shocked that we don't get tired of it. It is truly wonderful. And it has inspired me to adopt the "simple life" this Christmas season.
This Christmas, I have let go of any responsibility that is not in the best interest of my family. It has not been easy. I've declined party invitations. I've cancelled our annual Christmas party. I've refused to get caught up in the hussle and bussle. I know I may sound like a humbug. But this year, it's what we need... to focus on the blessing of family.
And as I sit here, not stressed, not overwhelmed, not panicked, I am so happy to have found the courage to say "no" to so many potential obligations. This year, the Bray family has felt more like a family than any year before. While I doubt our Christmases to come will be this stress-free, I am thankful that this year, we have the time to "be merry".

Merry Christmas to you all! God bless!

To homeschool

If you keep up with the Bray family via facebook, then you know that we have recently made a huge announcement. Starting in September, I have decided to homeschool my handsome little boys... at least for a little while. And if you are reading this right now, I can only assume that you might be a little curious as to why we have decided this is best for our family. Let me explain...

When you look at a child's elementary school experience in 2010, compared to what it was during our elementary days, you can't deny that things have changed dramatically. When I was in those early grades, I remember standing in line to go to lunch, but praying first before we left the classroom. I remember going on field trips, and my mom was there enjoying it with me. I remember having birthday parties during class, with cupcakes and whatever else the child's mother blessed our palettes with. I remember my mom volunteering in my class and learning who my friends were and knowing how I behaved at school. I had lots of fun, lots of friends, and I loved school.

In 2010, the children are not allowed to pray together. The teachers are not even allowed to talk about God in school. They are only allowed two field trips a year, and the parents are not allowed to accompany them. Absolutely no birthday parties! Last year, it was like a federal case, just to enable Bryson's class to have some sort of Christmas party. It couldn't be before lunch because the school system wouldn't allow us to compete with lunchroom sales. If we did it after lunch, the total calories couldn't be more than 100. It was crazy. I was able to volunteer in Bryson's class last year. I knew every single child in his class. This year, I've not been allowed to volunteer in his class. It's very frustrating. And within the first two weeks of school, I had to speak with his teacher about a bully in his class.

In December of last year, I sat at a friend's house complaining about all these things and more. I was very frustrated. I looked at her and shrugged, "But there's nothing I can do." She said, "Oh yes there is. You can homeschool". This comment stuck in the back of my mind for the next few months.

As I pondered the possibility of pulling Bryson out of the school system and never enrolling Camden in Kindergarten, it seemed crazy, but it felt right. The more I've thought about it, the more sure I am that it's the right thing for us right now. All the negative influences of this world are coming at our children at a much younger age than they came at us. Are they really ready to withstand that kind of pressure? Is five years at home enough to make them ready before trusting the school system to do what's best for them? Are they even going to be able to enjoy their elementary years? Personally, I don't think so. So I am going to take the next three years to instill in them the values, morals, ethics that I want them to have (that I believe God wants them to have) before I put their well-being in the hands of the school system.

I know this is a huge decision. I know it's controversial. I know many people will make negative comments. One person even said to me, "So you want your children to be socially awkward?"

But I truly believe I am doing the right thing. I believe I am doing what is best for my children. I believe I am doing what God wants me to do. And that's all that matters to me.

No Place Like Waffle House

I am one of those weird people who has an undying affinity to enjoying a meal at Waffle House. Unless you share this affinity, I'm sure you might have just lost a little respect for me. I understand, and I am not offended. I know it's not normal. The food is greasy. The atmosphere is smoky. And the floors look like they've never been mopped. But I LOVE it! Let me tell you why....

When I was in middle school, I went with my parents to visit my oldest sister who lived a few hours away. On this rare occasion, I had my parents to myself. I can't remember where my other sister and brothers were. I just remember that Daddy was driving down the interstate, and he asked where we wanted to eat. My mother and I are very indecisive about where we want to eat, so my dad suggested Waffle House. He did this with a huge smile on his face, as he looked at my mom knowing how she would react. I had never been to Waffle House before, and wondered why my mom carried this horrified expression of obvious distaste. I curiously asked what is wrong with Waffle House? My mom just continued the look. Daddy, realizing that I'd never enjoyed the luxury of a meal at one of his favorite restaurants, swerved to exit immediately and pulled into the Waffle House located just off the ramp.

I remember it so clearly - his excitement as we sat down. He began telling me how the waitress would yell our order out to the cook in an incredibly loud voice to insure that he heard what we wanted. Then the cook would memorize what she said and begin fixing the meal. BUT not only would he be listening to our waitress and then fix our order, but he would also listen to the three other waitresses and fix each of the orders they yelled out. His excitement was contagious and I reveled in being the sole member of his audience. I watched in amazement as the ordering process carried out just as he had described. I was awed by the cook's ability to hear and remember the orders.

Then I experienced the ultimate yumminess of our meal. My dad especially loves their hashbrowns. You can get them anyway you want them. I followed his lead, and ordered mine scattered and covered... mmm.. delicious!

Needless to say, my mom was not completely miserable, but she was not, is not, and never will be a fan of Waffle House.

Now I, on the other hand, I LOVE WAFFLE HOUSE!!!!! I love the memory of that day with my parents. Every time I pull into that yellow-roofed restaurant, I smile. I get giddy with excitement as I relive that first visit.

AND... I love how, when I asked my son where he wanted to eat for lunch today, he smiled and said, "WAFFLE HOUSE!"