My circle of high school friends consisted of eight girls ~ Melissa C., Wendy, Heather, Beth, Crystal, Melissa G., Kim and me. We did everything together from studying to sleepovers. We had soooo much fun. Still, within our circle, we developed stronger bonds with some. Wendy and I complemented each other so well that everyone said we shared a brain. As we progressed through high school, we pretty much became inseperable. We finished each other's sentences and had conversations that no one else understood. We developed a bond that we both knew would last forever. We were closer than sisters, we were best friends.
Our college days forced us to become more independent, a thought that thrilled Wendy, but scared me to death! That was when Melissa G. (another friend from our high school circle) became extremely close. Melissa and I went to the same university, while Wendy attended one about a half hour away. Since we were the only people at the University we knew, Melissa and I registered for those Freshman classes hoping to be on the same schedule. We did share a few classes, but as we were both reluctant to become to socially interactive with the other students, we pretty much spent all our spare time together. We served as each other's home away from home. It was weird that we spent all those years in high school together but only became really close in college.
I kept in touch with all the girls in my high school circle of friends for those first few years after high school. But eventually time, distance, various life decisions, and even death, put us on different paths. Kim was killed in a car accident. Crystal got married and has not contacted any of us since then. Heather moved away. Beth and Melissa C. simply moved on. So that left Wendy, Melissa and me. Our trio of friendship became even stronger as the years passed.
I got married first. Melissa and Wendy were in my wedding. Thankfully, my marriage didn't seem to have any effect on our friendship.
Then Wendy got married. Melissa and I were her bridesmaids. Wendy's husband moved her to Arizona, allowing Melissa and I to see her only twice a year. We were devastated. I think we cried at her wedding more than her mother did. As Wendy drove off with her new "best" friend, Melissa and I stood there hugging in the parking lot, figuring things would never be the same. Thankfully, we were wrong. Though much more time passed in between our get togethers, when Wendy came home, it was like she'd never left. We still finished each others sentences. It was obvious that we still shared a brain. And I felt closer to her than I'd ever felt before.
Two years later, Melissa got married. Wendy and I were in her wedding. The three of us had a ball at the reception. As we helped Melissa change out of her gown so she could wear normal clothes to the hotel, we embraced in a meaningful hug.
A few moments later, Melissa and her husband rode off in the limo. Wendy and her husband left to head back to Arizona. And I was in the car with my husband crying a flood of tears because something in my gut told me things would never be the same.
I was wrong. Wendy and I have only become closer and closer over the years. We make time for each other. Every time she comes home, she makes sure to make time for me. I've driven seventeen hours with a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old to see her. Even though she is hundreds of miles away, she knows exactly what is going on in my life. Wendy was the only one who even realized I was suffering from post-partum depression after the birth of my second son. She is still my best friend.
However, I was also right. With Melissa, things have never been the same. I can't quite figure out why. I've tried to make them the same. And sometimes when we're together, it's just like old times. But the gap between phone calls/visits/emails has continued to expand. It has now been twelve months since I last heard from her. I've emailed, I've called, I've sent cards. (My husband says I'm stalking her.) I've gotten no response.
I recently learned that she is expecting her second child in March. She and Wendy and I were once a trio of best friends, and I had no idea she was even pregnant.
What does this mean? Does this mean she doesn't want to be my friend anymore? If so, then why not? How can she possibly justify ending a friendship that carried us through some of the hardest times in our lives? I wonder about these things.
At the same time, I wonder why am I trying so hard to hold on to the way things used to be? Why can't I accept that our season of friendship has passed? Why can't I just let go?
The only reason I can come up with is... because I don't want to.
6 comments:
Oh Marci, this is beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time. You have a gift with words.
Yeah... i dont know what to say to help! but i have to tell you this i like this is what ive been waiting for!!!
I know exactly how you feel Marci! I have a few friends like this also. We were so unbelievably close growing up, and now, I feel like I don't even know them. But I have learned in my many years of friendships that people come in and out of our lives for many reasons. We just have to cherish those times we had together, and most importantly, cherish the times we have with the friends in our lives now. Still knowing, that they too, will drift from our circle of friends someday. And perhaps giving in to the fact that those once special friends are now out of our lives means that we are growing up. Even though we don't want to!
Hey Marci, I totally feel what u mean in this blog. I also had a trio of friends in school but mostly we connected through our church. They both like ur friends were in my wedding and we talked and hung out for about a yr after i got married. Then after that things changed they both moved out of state and moved on which feels like its been forever. One got married 2 a guy in the military and he moved her all over the u.s. and now they live in Japan. The other is some fancy business consultant and lives in n.y city and goes 2 crazy parties all the time. I also feel like we have nothing in common anymore. Anyhow the point im getting 2 is that I hope we can b the kind of friends that were brought into each others lives for a reason and that we will have that close relationship for the rest of our lives. I value our friendship and hope I can maybe fill some of that void u are feeling, cuz i know u have helped me in many ways. I enjoyed this. <3 ya, JoAnna ;)
Things do change, and it sure does suck, doesn't it? I'm sorry.
UPDATE ~ She called me yesterday and came to our high school Christmas party last night. It was like old times, just as it always is when we get together. We'll see what the year ahead holds for our friendship.
Thank you all for your comments.
Post a Comment